APPLICATION FORM FOR CATBURY'S

FIRST NAME.  PUSSY.

LAST NAME.  CAT.

ADDRESS.  BENEATH A BUSH OR IN THE HOUSE BY THE FIRE PLACE.

POSTCODE.  CAT MEAT IS SO DELICIOUS.

TEL NO.  OWNER ALWAYS FEEDS ME MUSHY WHISKERS MEAT.

D.O.B.  BORN AT THE VETS.

NEXT OF KIN.  BIG SUPER WOOFER BARKING DOG, THAT I ASSUME IS A LOUD SPEAKER.

ARE YOU BRITISH?  NO, I AM A PERSIAN WEETABIX SUPERCAT.

FAVOURITE HOBBIES.  HIDING IN THE BUSHES/PESTERING MY OWNER FOR TINNED CAT MEAT/CLIMBING UP ON THE SHED ROOF/SCRATCHING AT THE FURNITURE.

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY.  SLEEPING A LOT/CHASING A BALL OF STRING/CHASING AFTER MICE AT NIGHT/ OR I JUST GENERALLY SPY ON HOOTING MOON OWLS.

LAST EMPLOYER.  MOTHER NATURE/OR FRANK, OUR DANGEROUS GARDEN MONSTER THAT CUTS THE GRASS...HE NEVER CATCHES ME THOUGH.

NI NUMBER.  I GET EVERYTHING FOR FREE.  AND IT DON'T COST A PENNY.  PLUS I GET ALL MY CUDDLES FOR FREE TOO.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE THE RIGHT CANDIDATE, FOR THIS JOB?  IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY PUSSY ATTITUDE.  THEN YOU CAN GO AND SUCK MY MEATBALLS.

QUALIFICATIONS.  SHITTING ON THE NEIGHBOUR'S LAWNS.  BEING FEARFUL OF THE DEADLY HOUSE CLEANING MONSTER.  SNIFFING AT MY OWNER'S PADDY DADDY SLIPPERS.  KEEPING A CLOSE EYE OUT FOR OTHER CATS.  GOING TO GOTHIC RAVES, WHEN HUMANS ARE IN BED ASLEEP. 

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY.  BOG OFF!  LEAVE ME ALONE.  I ONLY LIKE FLUFFY CUDDLES.

DECLARATION.

SIGNED.  PUSSYCAT

DATE.  I'M TOO TIRED...SO CLEAR OFF.  LET ME GET MY BEAUTY CATSLEEP.